tell that deformed scottish gorilla to shut his fat face

Good-bye, Assipher !

I still stand by my original Top Five… and I’m putting my top three at Ya-Ya, Nicole and Norelle.  Ya-Ya is awesome, Nicole (despite the fact that I find her photos kind of boring) has been consistently good and Norelle totally tore up that Dooney & Burke thing.  I think Toccara is superbly hot and takes amazing shots, but dude.  She’s a plus-size model.  There is no way in hell that gets past Janice and Nigel.  Oh, how I love Janice and Nigel, especially Janice.  I don’t care what she’s done to her body, she is haht.  I loved when she told Eva “You’re a show-off and I LOVE it.”  Me too.  I still don’t think Eva is going to become America’s Next Top Model, though.  Also, as much as I love her, I do acknowledge that there is no way in hell batshit crazy Amanda is going to win because a) the judges ALWAYS love her and as we all know, that sort of thing is generally the work of editors looking to create dramatic irony and b) she’s BLIND. 

Next week:  Good-bye, Cassie.  I’d say “Good-bye, Kelle!” but the judges hate her, so I’m assuming she’ll be sticking around to annoy Jay and Tyra.

In other news:  I almost choked to death on a Junior Mint.  Like thirty seconds ago.  I sucked it back into my mouth and it got stuck in my throat, whole.  I retched and it came up eventually and I’m okay now, but can you fucking believe that?  I was almost killed by candy!  Well.  I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Comments

[Brent]

I don't understand all of this silly Trump talkin' lately ... but a hidden Rushmore quote!
Wonders to stumble across!

[Annie]

Trump talkin'? Ah, no. Tyra talkin!

[jordan]

i think nicole is totally boring too! her pictures are okay. and she looks nice in them, but they seem really unprofessional. like did you hear when nigel said he could see her on a hair dye box, but not in vogue? like that. and why is she all friends with amanda? i thought she was supposed to be this season's elyse, all shit-talking the airheads.

[Brent]

My bad. It's that model show, eh? I'm a "The Swan" guy myself. Season 2 is next week! It's my weekly semi-homosexual time in the apartment with lines like "Get ready for ...duh-duh-duh ... THE PAGEANT!" and "She's going to need more work on her self esteem if she wants to win ... THE PAGEANT!"

[Ahe]

I watched one episode of The Swan and it actually made me throw up a little. Right in my mouth. Swallowed it back...went on with my evening. I can see how it might become addictive once you got past the initial disgust. I find that I like the drama and cattiness of America's Next Top Model, though...

[Brent]

The first couple of times I watched it hurt a little bit. Then I learned to relax.
I am ADDICTED their sad stories and how the 'experts' solve them.
"I don't have a job, all of my teeth feel out, my ex-boyfriend tried to stab me and I'm wanted in Montana."

"Somebody needs new teeth and kickboxing lessons!"

[Avi]

I don't know about you guys, but I am SOLD on The Swan. When does it come on?

Also, Assipher? Priceless.

[Brent]

http://www.fox.com/swan/home.htm

[christopher]

why do you call her "assipher?" thanks to you, i am addicted to that show. i started watching it for the hot chicks and i stayed for the insane drivel and bad role models. i fucking love it. i don't really know much abuot the modelling biz, but i think norella looks the most like a model. i thought jennipher was hot, though. cassie is cute too. the blind one freaks my shit out. the athlete girl is a superfox. nicile is blah--she looks like someone i would know if real life--a cute girl, but not a model.

[Mali]

I may be wron,g but I'm thinking "Assipher" comes form the fact that that girl had booty.

[rira]

all i have to say is you haven't seen brilliance until you've seen bravo's manhunt: the search for america's most gorgeous male model. i caught 15 minutes of a repeat on sunday and i have been hooked ever since. it's a show where the boys have better skin than most girls, flat iron their hair and cry. it really doesn't get much better than this.

[Liz]

Damnit! I was waiting until Friday night to catch the rerun of the show I missed and happened to see your blog about 5 minutes before I left for the weekend. J was like, "Why would you do that when she's a KNOWN model recapper?" And I had no answer! But no matter, she sucked so bad it wasn't a big surprise.

[Ahe]

my bad. maybe i will post spoiler alerts? but also, dude! why would you do that when i'm a KNOWN model recapper?