is your tee-shirt *dirty*?
Friday, November 12, 2004 at 10:39AM So, holidays in the middle of the week? That’s stupid. I mean, I appreciate having the day off and all, but, come on. Let’s plan it a little better next time, shall we? On the upside, I had a nice morning of lounging, followed by lunch in Fremont and some window shopping at fancy-schmancy stores featuring designer goods I couldn’t possibly afford, and probably wouldn’t buy anyway, considering how big a bitch Nanette Lepore turned out to be last week. And seriously…who is named “Nanette?” The only snag in an otherwise lovely day was when I saw a lovely faux fur capelet in the window of a store and walked in…only to discover that it was a vintage store, it was real fur and it had 5 little mink heads hanging down the back of it. Gross, dude. HEADS!
Speaking of gross, how awesome was it that they made the wanna-bes on America’s Next Top Model do a photo shoot with ginourmous tarantulas? Next week: bull testicle milkshakes. Sell that, bitches! Now, while last week, I said that I didn’t feel comfortable picking the next hamster getting kicked out of the cage, I believe Rira, Heather and Jade can vouch for my assertions via mid-work day email that Toccara, despite her awesome hotness, would be axed. I rule. The show seems to be heating up now—all the bitches are coming out of their boxes, as evidenced by the hithertofore invisible Nicole all of a sudden being splashed all over the post-show confessionals and Yaya’s exposure as a total fucking snipe. Dude, she takes great pictures, but I hate that girl, and I didn’t even hate Robin and Camille! Can you go seven seconds without saying the words “African,” “Ivy League” or “actually?” Oh, and you’re so “worldly” and “in touch” because of your “heritage” and your “schooling?” Whatever, Yaya. It’s called the Ivory Tower. Peddle your ego-trip elsewhere.
As for Nicole, we get nothing on her for 7 weeks and then the floodgates open…and yet somehow, all we know about her now is that she hates Ashlee Simpson (which should have been a given, really) and “love[s] art.” Do, you, Nicole, do you really? Do you love “art” as much as you love, say, shrimp scampi? Or as much as you love Maxim? You’re a genius. She vibes that Frankie from The Real Word “too punk rock for this” attitude, and I’m like, look, honey, shut up and look pretty. And don’t ever subject me to your white trash attempt at motorcycle fetish gear again. Although, why I am surprised that you can’t dress yourself, I don’t know—you did grow up in NORTH DAKOTA and then move to SEATTLE. We’re lucky there was no fleece in that ensemble.
Honestly, it took me three seasons to figure out that this show isn’t really about finding a top model—it’s about making watchable television, at which they are terribly successful, but really…what kind of shoestring operation is this, anyway? The list of why these girls are all wrong goes on and on: too short, not thin enough, wrong body type, not pretty enough, too BLIND, whatever. I’m sorry, but they purport to be looking for someone who can do it all—editorials, runway, beauty shots, the whole nine yards, right? NONE of these fucking chicks can do that. Let’s take Nicole, for instance, since I’ve already established that I don’t like her: She is 22, 125 lbs, 5’8.” Let’s compare these stats to the 6’1”, 67 pound 16 year olds walking the runways last spring. Sure, Nicole takes great photos, but she’s on the shortest and heaviest ends of the spectrum for the giant walking skeletons who pass for models nowadays. But hey, at least she loves art.
The ironic part of all this is that, of all the girls, Toccara had the best shot in the industry—granted, she’d be a plus sized model, but she was infinitely better suited to that side of fashion than these ordinary-looking average-height over the hill wanna-be models. Then, they have the audacity to kick her off because she had lost some of her fire? Wow. Hey, maybe it’s because you made her wear an orange gas station attendant uniform shirt last week, ASSHOLES. I don’t know. Maybe it was the culmination of 8 weeks worth of being told that she’s too fat to be successful. God. It’s not like all chubby people are jolly all the time, you know.
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Reader Comments (15)
Genius. Make those vapid whores work for a living!
This part? I totally just got it now because I actually read her bio. Whose favorite food is shrimp scampi?
sarah, anyone who would trot out a custom tee-shirt in a foreign language just to make a passive-aggressive point is an insufferable snob and deserves anything i throw her way.
and yes, she is really intelligent, which she proved when the well-known brain trust, tyra banks, reduced yaya to tears and got her to apologize to a hat.
Abandon hope all ye who seek to set Ahe straight on her own webpage.
I realize it's wrong to judge a person for their choice of careers but honestly a) I don't care and b)how can we respect her if she doesn't respect herself?