fate sits on these dark battlements and frowns

Okay, so first off:  mahahahahahaha, I WIN!!!  Good-bye, Nicole.  You wanna know when I knew for sure you were getting the pointy-toed boot?  When you bragged about taking Method acting courses and said that you were really looking forward to doing well in the acting exercise because, hello, you played Lady MacBeth in high school—and then you SUCKED in your scene with Hottie McGreat Ass, Taye Diggs.  I guess you forgot that you went to high school in Minot, North Dakota.

Secondly:  even though I didn’t really like Nicole, they screwed her last night—they were rude and horrible and if I were Nicole, I would have started some shit right then and there.  They “forgot” to review her?  TWICE?!  Because she is so forgettable, what with her FLAMING RED HAIR that YOU gave her, TYRA.  The whole thing was totally contrived and just…well, it was rude.  It was obvious that, for whatever reason, she was no longer wanted on the show (and she had the best portfolio of all the girls, hands down, so it couldn’t possibly be because they thought she was bad) so they manufactured a bullshit excuse to send her home.  That’s just wrong, man.  I understand that the show is in the hands of Puppet Master Tyra Banks and I don’t dispute that manipulation is part of reality television, but really, couldn’t they have been a little more discreet about it?  When that kind of maneuvering occurs off-screen, it can be a great aid to the drama, but such obvious, willful fakery?  Nicole, mon petit chou rouge—what DID you do to Tyra to make her treat you this way?  You must have done something, because they totally railroaded you off the show.  This last episode was a fucking sham and that girl didn’t deserve that, and yes, yes, I do feel bad for not liking her because she was all sad and cried and stuff.  This sucks.  For the first time, I WON and now I can take no real joy in my triumph.  Damn you, Tyra, damn you for robbing me of my first taste of sweet, sweet victory.

Comments

[Annie]

I can't believe you got that right. Who among us saw Nicole getting bumped? You are truly a goddess.

[Ahe]

A goddess who simply cannot blog about ANTM anymore. This is too much. Quick, someone give me a topic for tomorrow!

[Cassie]

noooooooooo! just blog about regular stuff more. you should blog about...i don't know. that "fruity emo shit."

[Avi]

Tyra's fivehead freaks me out. She is such an alien. I'm with you on the whole "Nicole must have done something" angle--but seriously, what did she do? There is NO WAY they kick her off at that point, not with all those great pictures she took. I loved how they kept saying, "oh, NIcole, you're such a gorgeous/beautiful girl" but you could tell what they really meant was "Eh, you're okay-looking."

[christopher]

there is NO WAY that you settled on nicole! are you psychic? you are, aren't you?

also, avi, "fivehead?" that was so funny, i hurt myself laughing.

[Kelly]

You're so right. Forgetting her? Twice? That's just bad manners if ya ask me!

[Mali]

I really think that there must be some kind of backstory to that--maybe Nicole is a total bitch...she must have done something to Tyra. Thre was no need to humiliate her that way...AND, she didn't have bad photos.

[jessica]

You could blog about "Lost" and how many delicious little nuggets there are on that show.

[Ahe]

mmm, little scottish hobbit nuggets? oh, for a different phrasing.

[jordan]

doesn't one of your friends know nicole? he should totally hook you up with the gossip. what DID she do to tyra? or to nigel? did you catch when nigel said "my goodness me?" HOT.

[Ahe]

ah, that is funny. one day, one of my friends tells me that he knows a girl on ANTM. i saw, NO WAY!!! WHOOO!!!! and he says, i think her name is michelle, and i'm like, ain't no michelle on top model, bitch. he said that he is really friends with her boyfriend and he just hung out with her and him once. right. so a couple of weeks later, he asks me how his "friend" is doing on top model and i'm like, whatevah, she's your FRIEND now? you don't even know her NAME. man. don't inflate your relationships with reality tv stars, kids. i always know. recognize.

[Heather]

Here's my current theory on Nicole's ouster - I think she must have said something totally hideous in a confessional or something - something racist maybe. So, they didn't want to show it, and spread it around, but they decidedly wanted her off the show. So the conconcted this "so forgettable" bit to get her off....what think you?

[Avi]

Heather, I think you could be on to something--definitely. I noticed that when she *did* talk, she was kind of snotty, like she was holding back white trash-y bitchiness, like then she was talking about how Eva couldn't be a top model because she was afraid of the spider. Oh, and on last night's show, she was a super bitch about the translator not speakng engligh that well. She had this sneer thing going on.

[Jessica]

mmm, little scottish hobbit nuggets?

Hobbit Nuggets and also Indian-pretending-to be-Iraqui Nuggets who look very cute in a wife beater!