he's sleeping with the zucchini

Jonas was kind enough to point out that my posts have been few and far between of late, a transgression for which I apologize deeply.  The last couple of weeks have been one long, persistent headache.  One of my bosses got shitcanned, so everyone is on red alert around here, you know, if they are here and not on vacation, because apparently everyone decided to go on vacation at the same time except for me.  Oh, and last night, when I so desperately wanted to watch the RNC, I turned on my television to find…nothing.  My digital cable was out, so I called Comcast and they had me on the line for 45 minutes before someone could tell me that my service had been shut off for lack of payment.  “Oh, really,” I said, and then promptly whipped out my Comcast billing folder and rattled off a list of the last payments I had made, which were, in fact, on time and paid in full, as all of my cable bills have been ever, in history.  She said that she would have to check with a manager. I said there was no way I was waiting on hold anymore, so they’d have to call me back when they’d straightened it out.  An hour later, I got a call from some sniveling weasel who explained that my account number switched with a different account and accidentally shut off.  And they won’t get it back on until Friday evening or Saturday morning.  Fucker.  So, I told him that was fine, but I wanted those 2 days that I was cable-less pro-rated and taken off my bill—and he gave me next month free.  That was awesome.

I suppose I should take this as an opportunity to see what it’s like to live without television, but what fun would that be?

Mmm.  I followed the Next Blog link on blogger for awhile and came across some teenybopper site which annoyed me greatly, what with the lack of capitalization and anime drawings and all, but it did have a feature that I enjoyed in which she posted the last few text messages she had received and asked her readers to guess the context of each one.  The idea was to come up with the most outlandish story possible, not, you know, be accurate or anything.  So, here goes:

1. What did you train him to do?
2. You can get it from other places.
3. I will be there next year.  Rosebud.

Comments

[Annie]

1. Your new hamster can now do backflips!
2. That coke bust in the Seattle music scene has serevely depleated your supply, but all you've gots to do is make friends with someone in the ghetto.
3. --Dude, this one is just creepy. No suggestions.

[Avi]

Will you eventually tell us the context of these messages? Although, I sent you one of them so I know the conext for that one.

[jordan]

okay, number 1 is clearly sexual. you've taught someone new tricks! number 2 is also clearly sexual. you must have run out of your fave lube and they don't sell it at rite0aid anymore, but you can get it at other places. and i agree with annie, number 3 is creepy.

[scotty]

seriously, though, what are you going to do without cable until tomorrow?

[Jadenator]

Print out a pic of G Dub so you can throw darts at it while you watch the RNC on network TV tonight. Then go to your happy place, Stars Hollow.

[Jonas]

Sure, sure, post a broken link to my blog, in a meager attempt to shield passers-by from the excramentine insanity contained therein, that's fine.

So:
1:I presume you are speaking of those little electronic pets folks keep in their pockets.

2:This was a converstation about whether or not you can get AIDS from toilet seats.

3:This was the end of a conversation where you are telling someone you will be there next year. And then adding a teasing nickname which they hate.

Eerily close eh?

[ahe]

sorry about the link. my bad. and actually, you were eerily close about number three, re: the teasing nickname bit. and i had a tamagochi when i was 16, okay...i am too old for that crap.