a bear! you made a bear!

It’s no secret that I likes me some musicals and rare is the spectacle that brings me more pleasure than the "musical episode," as exemplified by Buffy: Once More With Feeling, Xena: The Bitter Suite, Oz: Variety and yes, I’m going to go there: Even Stevens: Influenza—The Musical.  That said, last Friday, I stumbled across a little something I like the call "the worst thing I’ve ever seen that didn’t involve dead people."  Having neglected to switch off ABC Family after the syndicated showing of Gilmore Girls, I paid the price, my friends, for there I saw the face of evil and it was 7th Heaven: Red Socks.  Here’s a funny joke:  What do you get when you take a bunch of annoying, self-righteous asshats and force them to sing (badly) and dance (wretchedly) in what may well be the most thoughtless and least heartfelt episode of television ever, in history?  I’ll give you one guess:  starts with an "a," ends in "pocalypse."  Who’d have thought the Camdens would end up doing the devil’s work?     

You might be asking yourself, how could Jesus allow this to happen?  The answer is, God is dead, kids.  He simply couldn’t face the prospect of spending eternity with the CamFam.  Also, Barbara Hampton is Satan’s whore.  I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I misspoke.  Barbara Hampton is Satan’s asswhore.

And no, I’m not just taking this personally because RevCam absofuckinglutely butchered "You Are My Lucky Star" in a such a way that the only conceivable retribution is death by slow devouring by a pack of wild ferrets. 

Comments

[John]

Don't hate. 7th Heaven is such a good influence on stupid, fake christians everywhere.

[Annie]

I remember seeing commercials for that episode and thinking it was a joke. You're telling me this actually happened?

[christopher]

when you are funny like this, you give me sidepains.

[Sarah]

Maybe I shoudln't even ask, but why was it called Red Socks?

[ahe]

Well, I didn't watch the whole thing, but it appears that it was a minor plot point of some kind that RevCam left a pair of red socks in w/ the whites and ruined a load of laundry. I don't know if that ends up being a metaphor of some kind later.

[Baxter]

Even Stevens: Influenza—The Musical.

Ok. I thought I was the only adult who loved Even Stevens.

[Baxter]

As for 7th Heaven, I'm surprised they didn't just re-work the plot of Godspell into their episode. Although, now that I think about it, the end result of that might have been just too awesome to be considered a 7th Heaven episode.

[ahe]

Oh, totally! They could have reworked Godspell and it would have retained the preachiness, but been rad at the same time. Remember when Sidney's SpyDaddy was Jesus in the movie version? Bad. Ass.

And Even Stevens is such fun--I used to love that show. Then again, I also used to watch Lizzie Maguire, but that was mostly because I had a sick crush on underage Gordo.

[Baxter]

At least my crush on Shia is no longer illegal. Well, it's more of an "i want to keep him in my pocket" crush. But that's still illegal in several states.

[ahe]

Gordo must be 18 by now. Right?

I, too, have a huge boner for Shia LeBoeuf.

[Cassie]

You guys are total pedophiles. Okay, I love Shia too.

[Kim]

"Who’d have thought the Camdens would end up doing the devil’s work?"

[Cassie]

I would have.

[jordan]

dude, you're like television without pity, but MEANer.

[John]

I agree.

[ahe]

Why? Just because I called Barbara Hampton "Satan's Whore?" It's true.

[Annie]

By the way--this is officially my favorite quote-as-title evereverever. It's bloody brilliant--mostly because it's not funny, really, in and of itself, unless you know the context and that Spike is tied in a chair as he warble-y yells it.

[Kim]

Hahaha...oh man, the other half of my first post disappeared... right after your quote, I had written the following:

"Raises hand like Hermione when Snape asks 'Tell me, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?'"

Lord, I hate the Camdens.

[ahe]

"Raises hand like Hermione when Snape asks 'Tell me, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?'"

a) nerd
b) Pop Culture Twin Powers, activate!

[janxjoplin]

Never has anyone been so right, in so many right ways.

Undo it! Undo it!