gentlemen, start your boners.
Saturday, December 31, 2005 at 08:39PM So, Happy New Year and stuff…don’t worry, the Very Special Christmas Episode is still coming—the insertions of pictures is kind of kicking my ass, though. It screws up the text, somehow and then it takes 20 minutes to fix everything. Bastards.
The other day, I was hanging out with a friend—a sort of ex-. We never actually dated, but we, you know, did the part that usually comes after the date. I eschew vulgar terms like fuck buddy and I can’t stand the phrase "friends with privileges" but it’s that, basically, with a heavier emphasis on the "friend" and the "buddy" parts. Anyway, we’re eating lunch and discussing one of our favorite topics: how other people suck. The person in question at that time was an actual ex- of his who I had the misfortune of befriending. 10 months later and this girl, by all accounts, is still not over him. He simply could not see how it could have been so hard for her to move on, especially since they had dated for like 5 minutes. I recalled that after they had broken up, she had expressed regret to me that she wouldn’t get to sleep with him again because she felt their sexual experiences had been superlative—she claimed that he was, by far, the best sexual partner she had ever had and then she went into a little more detail than I really would have liked. I HATE it when people say things like that because it’s just such a ridiculous statement to make unless you have limited sexual experience. Good sex isn’t merely the product of good technique—it’s mood and lighting and circumstance and location and what you had for dinner that night and how much you’ve had to drink and whether or not your respective, uh, parts are compatible and myriad other considerations. If you can make a blanket statement that all or most of the sex you have had with one person is so much better than all the rest of the sex you have had in your life, all that really says to me is that you’re not really that good in bed yourself and your enjoyment is dependant on what your partner brings to the table and dude, that’s sad. I related these facts to my friend, but unfortunately, I have never quite shaken myself of the bad habit of saying half of what I think and expecting other people to read my mind. Let’s take a look at how that conversation went…can we roll the tape, please?
I gave him the fry, which I shouldn’t have done, considering that he got me back later, when we were walking home. We passed a little indie girl with a snappy outfit and he commented that she was cute and I agreed and he went on to lament that she was clearly out of his league. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Well, there’s no way I could get a cute girl like that." Then I made my OMGWTF face.
Reader Comments (10)
<i>If you can make a blanket statement that all or most of the sex you have had with one person is so much better than all the rest of the sex you have had in your life, all that really says to me is that you’re not really that good in bed yourself and your enjoyment is dependant on what your partner brings to the table and dude, that’s sad.</i>
Agreed.
i quite often mangle thoughts that were fully-formed and intelligent (until, of course, they come out of my mouth as total babble). the worst is with my boyfriend's family - b/c no matter what, the babble also comes out racist. damn asians and their word-twisting jedi mind stares... (oops, there i go again...)
God, my hair looks so good right now. Stupid hair, stupid lazy afternoon.
You are like the QUEEN of that. Which is funny because you kind of talk a lot too, so if that's only half of what's on your mind, that's amazing.
I personally like to use Anyanka's phrase "orgasm friend".