I’m like a monster that came out of the ocean to destroy bodegas!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008 at 07:01PM Have you ever realized that you have some sort of habit you never knew you had? And then someone points it out and all of a sudden you can’t stop thinking about it and are totally self-conscious? As it happens, I pronounce “aren’t” with annoying precision—two syllables, stress on the first. ARE-rent. Why do I do this? I sound ridiculous! If you hear me do this, poke me in the arm and tell me to stop sounding like such an asshole. Not you, Rira, you poke too hard. Everybody else, though, poke away.
(If you are thinking of making an innuendo-laden “poke” joke in the comment area, come on now. That’s beneath you. If you are now thinking of making an innuendo-laden “beneath you” joke in the comment area, that is also beneath you. If you have decided to simply say “Innuendo? In-your-endo!” Well, that’s always funny.)
Now for some SRS BZNS: people here at the corporate headquarters are making their emergency exit strategies into reality with alarming frequency. Personally, I’ve got severance coming my way, the possibility of a retainer, (knock on wood) less competition for new jobs than the 3000 IT and finance people soon to flood the market, and I wrote a hit play, so I’m not sweating it either. Earlier today, this one guy who just submitted his letter of resignation swung by and gave me a Starbucks card (he knows me so well!) and thanked me for everything I did for him and wished that he could have done more for me while he was here. Naturally, I responded that he did tons of stuff for me, even if I couldn’t really think of anything off the top of my head. He looked thoughtful and replied, “Okay, opening bottles you’re too weak to open yourself doesn’t count.”
So. Now I guess I have to find someone else to open my Sweet Tea. Those lids are screwed on really tight, you know.
Reader Comments (5)
Poke.
NICE!